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Lisa Bunnage, Parenting Coach  ...  brat.busters@hotmail.com

I meant to get this out in my column before the 31st but didn't meet the deadline ... silly me ... so will just slap something out here instead:

New Years Eve Advice: 

If you have teenagers who want to party on New Year's Eve don't hesitate to lay down some ground rules.  Remember that rules = love and if your teenagers don't get that it doesn't matter, this is about their safety.  Here are some basic rules (a father told me awhile ago that the last point saved his son's life):

• know who they are going out with and have all those cell numbers 'just in case'. 
• I'm not a huge fan of having a standard curfew time as I like to negotiate same according to the situation.  This is part of giving teens some responsibility and control over their own lives, and it shows you respect them.  But, if you have set up a standard curfew time which is, let's say, 11:30 then you're going to have to adjust that for New Year's obviously.   
• tell them if the party takes a turn they're uncomfortable with but they're too embarrassed to leave of their own accord they can call you and have a pretend argument which turns into you ending their 'fun' and going to pick them up.  Or, just tell them you'll wait down the road from the party so as not to embarrass them. 
• if you have young teens make sure there are going to be responsible adults at the party.  Key word there is "responsible".  I've known of parties where parents allow teens as young as 12 and 13 to drink so make sure you know who's in charge. 
• if they mess up and do get drunk and/or high make sure they and their friends know to call you ASAP.  You have to be a safe place to turn when your kids are in trouble and make sure they know this.  Yes, there will be some consequences later but watch it with this one, you don't want to make the punishment so awful that they won't turn to you again.  Remember to praise them about how mature and responsible they were to call you.   

Parents' Responsibilities: 

     I don't have time to blog like I used to but the above just reminded me of something that happened years ago.  A friend of mine sent her daughter off to a birthday party to a home where she knew the family thru school.  I believe the girls were about 8 or 9 at the time.  The parents hosting the party decided to rent "Scream" for the girls.  One of the little girls was so traumatized she started having seizures and went into a coma.  Luckily she recovered within a few days.  Everyone was so surprised that these seemingly normal parents could be so stupid but it sure opened people's eyes to how careful you have to be when dropping your kids off at other people's homes. 

     There is nothing wrong with asking questions about what's going to be happening at a party.  Any normal parent would respect your interest and concern. 

     When new parents would drop their young children off at our place for a pool party they'd apologize for asking questions about safety.  I'd assure them I'd do the exact same thing and invite them to stay if they'd be more comfortable.  I told them I was in charge of pool supervision but they were welcome to help with the food, party games, clean-up, etc.  Funny that not one of those parents ever stayed (ha ha). 

Parenting Column (Sundays), The Province newspaper:

     Please forward emails to me at lbunnage@theprovince.com if you wish them to be considered for Sunday's weekly column in the Live It section.  Names will not be printed.  Your questions, comments, praise, criticism and funny stories are all welcome.  I look forward to hearing from you.  

     To those outside of British Columbia, please check out the column on-line on Sundays:  http://www.canada.com/theprovince/news/liveit/index.html